So here’s how my yesterday rolled… Sorry if there’s a bit of TMI (too much information) here, but this is my life! I couldn’t make this stuff up! LOL Take a step into my world, won’t you?
We won the lottery that the Ohio Dept. of Natural Resources puts on every year. If you win this lottery, you are given one day to fish the Castalia Trout Hatchery for four hours. You can enter each adult in your household and each child once each year. So we had four entries. Well, our son won this year. Yesterday was our assigned morning to go. You can’t reschedule. You either show up on your assigned day at your assigned time or you lose out.
Castalia is about a 2 and a half hour drive away from us. Yep, we spent a total of 5 hours on the road yesterday to catch five fish each. Are we avid fishermen? Yes. Are we crazy? Maybe. LOL
We were given four hours (from 7 a.m. to 11 a.m.) to fish. Now this meant we would need to be on the road around 4 a.m. to allow for potty breaks. So we all went to bed around 8 p.m. Monday night so we would be well rested. Sounds like a good plan, right?
Everyone went to sleep right away…. except me. I laid awake until about 11. Not just awake, but WIDE AWAKE.
Â Courtesy of www.headlinenews.org
I finally fell asleep around 11. I woke up at 12:30. And again at 1:30. And 2:30. Finally at 3:06, I said screw it and got up to start getting ready. Ben and the kids got up around 3:30.
Ten minutes before 4 a.m., my intestines clenched up. I have a history of Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I haven’t had a major flareup for quite a while. But this morning, my body decided to have some fun with me.
Courtesy of www.spinachandyoga.com
Â Now let me put this into perspective…
For us to get to Castalia, Ohio, which is up by Lake Erie, we have to take several state routes, most of which are two lanes running through Amish country. There’s ONE rest area on the way, about two hours from home. We left the house at 4 a.m. How many gas stations or stores are open at that time of day? The answer is: Not enough!
After having three bathroom “incidents”, we finally were able to leave the house. My belly hurt and was super tender. I had a cold sweat going. Â Thankfully, our Wal-Mart is a 24/7 store. So we stopped there so I could get some Imodium. It’s pitch black outside. Ben dropped me off at the doors and in I went. After getting over the initial blindness from the million fluorescent lights inside, I managed to stumble my way back to the right aisle. There was an employee stocking shelves in the aisle. Now normally, when you go into our Wal-Mart, those employees will go to great lengths to not even make eye contact with you, let alone *gasp* speak to you. So here I was…. praying that my belly would let me get the medicine, make it to the register to check out and then use their restroom before getting back in the Jeep. This woman decided she wanted to help me and make small talk. Ummmm…. no thanks, sister. I got this.
Off to checkout I went. Because it’s the middle of the night, of all the 30 registers in the store, the only ones you could use were the self-checkouts. Now, I normally avoid these stupid things on principle. First reason – They never work right, you have to grab the employee who is working as shepherd of four of these cursed machines and then wait for them to “fix” the register. You scan one, MAYBE two items, only to have it error out and demand its human counterpart again. Second reason – If I have to check myself out, I either should be on the payroll or receive a discount.
But, considering the situation, I had no choice. I took a deep breath and started the process. Keep in mind, my bodyÂ is still doing unsupervised tummy crunches and giving me a five-second warning that bad things are about to happen. The whole transaction went surprisingly smooth until…. My total was $2.32. I put a $20 in the register. It spit out the coins fine. I stood there waiting for my $17. And waited. And waited. Finally, it gives me an error screen where it poutingly asked for its master, the employee. My tummy was on a countdown to takeoff. My mind was going “Oh f@*k, this is gonna be bad.”
After about 30 seconds of trying to get the employee’s attention because she’s standing there ten feet away yapping at another employee, she came over and opened the machine up, struggled with the cash feeder for about 3 minutes, and finally got it cleared. Whew! Got my change without embarassing myself. I boogied to the restroom and…. not a darn thing. Are you freakin’ kidding me???
I finally gave up and went back out and got in the Jeep. As we’re heading onto the highway, I popped two of the pills. I was okay until we were on the road for about an hour and a half and on a detour down some back road and had NO idea where the heck we were. All of a sudden, I was nauseous and my tummy started doing cartwheels. I told Ben that as soon as we found a place, I needed to go to the restroom. Half an hour passed before we hit that rest area I mentioned earlier. But I made it. Barely.
Back in the truck and another dose of Imodium. Thankfully, it worked and I was okay for the rest of the day.
Welcome to a day in myÂ life!