Living with a child’s mental disabilities

The last few weeks, particularly the last 4 days, have been a struggle with our son. Two months ago, his psychiatrist changed his meds from Adderall to Vyvanse. The first few weeks were amazing. He was calm and mellow and making good decisions. Over the last month, we have seen a steady downward spiral. The last few days have been horrible. He’s combative, in a rage, and quite honestly, about to get his ass kicked by older and bigger kids on the bus. He had a full-blown rage meltdown at the counselling office on Monday, which resulted in the counselor calling the psychiatrist into her office to calm him down. Because this doctor won’t take our insurance and doesn’t do our son’s medications, I have a call in to the doctor who does.

Meanwhile, my fibro the last few days has been rearing its ugly head in the form of fatigue and pain and the feeling like every nerve in my body is on fire. We had a busy evening Monday. First, I picked the kids up at school, then drove up to their counseling appointments, dealt with that crisis, then flew home long enough to eat dinner. Then I went to our school board meeting and stood for 2 hours and listened to our board members proceed to lie and avoid answering questions from the people they work for, the taxpayers and concerned parents. Yesterday, I paid dearly for it.

If you are reading this, please do NOT tell me the evils of psychiatric meds for kids. I have lived with him unmedicated and it is horrible. Cody is a good kid. He is smart and funny and has a tender heart. He is also autistic and ADHD, along with suffering from PTSD thanks to his abusive biological father. His mind is trapped in a cage with these animals that are just constantly attacking him. He KNOWS he is “different” from others. It is tearing him up inside. He has said he doesn’t want to live anymore. I feel so helpless and it destroys me that my child feels like this.

Please do NOT try to sell me your miracle cure product. There’s no cure for autism or ADHD nor fibro. I am not writing this post looking for someone to pitch me their product. I am just needing to vent. I am scared for our son’s psychological wellbeing and am praying that he doesn’t have a complete psychotic breakdown. We are fighting so many battles right now.